The statistics will do more than make you wake up and smell the coffee; the data is guaranteed to send you straight to the pantry for the comfort of a low-fat, heart-healthy, high-fiber, simulated chocolate covered, vitamin packed, multi-grain bar. Get the picture? Hey! We’re getting OLD...fast. And, you know what? We thought we had plenty of time to plan for it. We don’t...the future, as they say, is now.

Here’s something to help you put the issue in perspective. 

According to the "nation’s leading aging visionary ," Ken Dychtwald, PhD., author of "Age Wave," extraordinary progress in health care research and technology has knocked out many of the diseases that used to kill us prematurely. In 1899, there were only 3 million Americans who had reached the ripe old age of 65, and that was 4 percent of our population. Today, there are more than 33 million people over 65, and they make up 13 percent of our population. There are more "seasoned" seniors than there are teenagers right now in this country.

In his new book, "Gray Dawn," Peter G. Peterson suggests that before 2024 rolls around seniors will make up more than 18 percent of America’s population -- which is about the way it is in Florida today. He points out that there will be more grandparents than grandchildren. Since women generally outlive men by seven or eight years, this prediction really means more grandmothers. There’s already a serious man shortage in south Florida, with a lot of older women complaining that all old men want is "a nurse with a purse."

What has a lot of experts worried, however, is that in another 45 years, the 85 and older age group will have increased to about 13 million at the same time that the 65+ population will have reached 65 million -- and that’s not taking into account an influx of immigrants or a ten year increase in life expectancy. The reality of these "numbers" is that in not too many years, we will have a society in which the old will be caring for the very old.

So far, studies show that we have been caring for our elders reasonably well. The National Institute on Aging estimates that about 75 percent of our seniors are able to remain in independent living situations. But as more and more adult children become caregivers for aging parents, there will be some tough decisions that will impact on just about everybody -- individuals, families...and the businesses that employ and insure them.

When Mom and Dad can no longer look after each other, the role of caregiver generally falls to the daughter or daughter-in-law. A Congressional study found that the average American woman will devote 17 years to raising her children and 18 years caring for her parents. As people live longer, that balancing act may tip even further toward parental care. What complicates these statistics is the fact that today, an overwhelming number of women work outside the home. In most cases, it is the mom / daughter / caregiver, who gives up her own free time and opportunities for recreation rather than shortchange her care to other members of her family. 

"If she can’t take time off from work, for example, or if her children haven’t left the nest yet and are still competing for her time," explained Sharon D. May, a Licensed Professional Counselor and Director of Community Outreach for Chancellor Gardens, "a mountain of guilt can settle on the caregiver’s shoulders. And from there, the slippery slope: guilt leads to the conviction that no matter what she is  able to do for her aging parents, it is never really enough, this perception can push her into making rash decisions such as giving up her career or having Mom or Dad move in. This can be a prescription for disaster and emotional upheaval."

"We know that, on any given day, more than 5 million Americans are caring for at least one of their aging parents. We know, too, that many of these caregivers have mixed feelings about their new role reversals. They are thankful that their parents are still living," May continued, "but are often overwhelmed by the additional responsibilities which can outstrip the hours in the day. Adult children have to learn to cope with new conflicts as their parents still want to be parents but lack the sound judgment to be able to do so."

A study conducted by the American Association of Retired Persons found that many of the adult children caregivers experienced constant feelings of depression over their "inability to bring happiness to a parent whose friends are gone, whose health is in decline, and who knows he or she is disrupting their child’s life." If the weight of the burden falls disproportionately on the adult child, and he or she does nothing to lighten the load, the caregiver runs the risk of major tears in the fabric of the family and losing the pleasure in life.

"Caring for the parents who once nurtured, sheltered and guided us past all the slings and arrows of our young lives," May said, "will affect each of us differently. At some point in time, just about all of us will require assistance. It may happen suddenly, as in a stroke or a fall. While statistics suggest that one out of ten Americans between the ages of 65 and 70 have some form of disability, the odds narrow to one in five by age 85. These disabilities can range from the gradual onset of physical mobility or sensory problems like loss of hearing or sight, to Alzheimer’s Disease and other forms of dementia that erode mental acuity and the ability to function independently. While we do have more options today than ever before, the best time to make long-term care decisions is before the need arises."

"We encourage family members to review the options and to talk about all the alternatives available. If an emergency does arise, there will be a consensus about what’s to be done. This goes a long way toward eliminating hurtful conflict if problems arise. Some people actually make very proactive lifestyle decisions and move to retirement-style living before it becomes necessary so they are young enough to make new friends and enjoy an active life."
 

Take Time to Plan... Not too many years ago, long-term care had only one definition: a nursing home. Fortunately, now that the "mature" set is this country’s fastest growing population segment, there are a lot more attractive options that will satisfy both the parent and the adult children caregivers. "There are many more services available at the end of the ‘90s to allow our elders to remain on their own longer," May explained. "If this is a priority -- and many fiercely independent seniors insist this is their ONLY acceptable choice -- careful planning is absolutely essential. The family must not only anticipate what emergencies could occur, but think through exactly what action plan to put in place when one does. What risks do they face and what can be done to minimize these risks? Very often, the best alternative is an assisted living facility where independence can be maintained at the same time some of the burdens of housework or preparing meals can be eliminated."

"There are usually a lot of factors that will influence the outcome -- financial considerations, proximity to family members, the state of your loved one’s health, to name just a few. Perhaps the most important input will come from determining what your loved one wants to do, and then figuring out what option comes closest that will also accommodate the family’s situation and needs," advised May. "If you plan ahead well enough, you will be able to smooth out transition from one phase to another so a parent can age in place as long as possible."

"Remember, there are a variety of options available in just about every circumstance. If a parent wants to stay in his or her own home but he needs a little extra help with daily activities, there are home care agencies that provide this level of care, and adult day care programs to fill in until family members take over. The next step might be an assisted living residence. Seniors in rapidly failing health or who suffer from Alzheimer’s Disease will require more skilled care. All appropriate options should be discussed by the family group, and the pros and cons of each considered carefully."
 

"Every journey starts with a single step," said Sharon May. "With thorough research and thoughtful planning there is no reason why the end of the journey shouldn’t be as pleasant as the years along the way."